Grandpa
Its one of those days I miss you. The weathers been getting nice again and I can’t help but to flashback to the last spring and summer you spent with us. I wish I could come find you, or possibly just borrow you for one day. I’d have so much to tell you in such little time I feel. But you would know exactly what to say. I can talk clearly about the night you left, because I know you could hear my goodbye cries. I’m sorry that I cried, I just didn’t want to let go of you. I’m afraid all the time that one day I may forget things about you. Your voice, your shows on TV, how you fished all day and night long, all those summer camping trips, all the times you’d work work, and work till we finally stopped your stubborn mind. I don’t ever want to forget. I’d do anything just to hear your voice again, anything just to wrap my arms around you for 5 minutes. Needless to say, I just really miss you.
Attention: SPRINT USERS
So apparently “I’m roaming” in an area where the computer says I’m covered, bullshit I know. So Sprint has sent me a letter saying April 25th my phone is getting shut off. Frankly the Sprint stores around here have nothing to do with it and this problem is happening to quite a few other Sprint customers as well. I can’t even pay any kind of charges, just no questions asked….Sprint is decided to be assholes. Now my opinion is the total opposite of Sprint and I will always tell people from now on not to ever go there for business. Sprint, I use to love you, your service, your phones, and your prices…now because of this ridiculous act I’m beyond unsatisfied with my experience and frankly am glad to port my phone number to a new smart phone. I’m not paying the last bill when its only for half a month either, fuck that. I’m the one that got screwed over for nothing, its bullshit, and I don’t need to give you guys shit. So just a heads up, SPRINT IS RIDICULOUS. DON’T GO TO THEM FOR SERVICE. THEY WILL FUCK YOU OVER. I REPEAT……THEY WILL FUCK YOU OVER, even if you were a happy go luck y, always paying the bill customer just like I was. Now I’m going to pay either 45-50 dollars a month for unlimited everything as well and not have to worry about lies and nonsense. I heard from everyone Sprint sucked….I now realized I should have listened.
The Getaway.
I try to appreciate everything in my life, even the little things. I guess I could call myself lucky that. Have plenty of reasons to appreciate it all. I work hard, I love hard, but living hard is one thing I’ve already passed. I love my job at McDonald’s to be honest, you can judge me from that but its only the truth. I’ve learned great experiences through out my time spent there. Hell when I didn’t even know myself, I spent most my time trying to figure that out with my coworkers. I practically seen them more than my family. I just realized tonight though, that I’m not going to be that person that’s gonna stay for years and years to come. I may work my ass off for the rest of my life around other people who may just wanna sit around on the clock…but they’ve gotta be new faces at the least. I know I may deal with assholes and bitches my whole life….(those are the ones who don’t appreciate shit obviously) but at least I won’t know them. I can experience something different for a better change. I’ve found someone who loves me for being myself, and I love him just for letting me be that person. I don’t ever rush things, followers you should know me better than that by now…I go with the flow. But one things for sure, I’m ready for the getaway. I’ll keep walking with my chin up because I have all the reasons to, but it’ll be because I can wait as long as it takes even if I don’t want to; all so I can just to do the getaway. It’s gonna be time to say goodbye soon, I’ll feel more free and relieved that day when I’m waving. It’s all been great, but it can always be better if you make it.
Its simple.
I lie by you while you’re asleep,
Hold you close to feel your breath on me.
I wrap around my arms and drift away,
Next to you is where I’m going to stay.
Life is unimaginable with out your presence.
I’m living in a bright world of fluorescents.
The mornings are beautiful again, because of you.
An experience worth loving, you let me do.
I feel better than just my regular old self.
Like a brand new me with the strongest health.
For as its simple as learning the alphabet,
Or maybe as simple as the time we met;
That it was completely clear to see,
You’re simply the one for me.
-Tiffanie
Bloggin’ in a big blue chevy.
So I know I haven’t blogged in like forever, and its shitty that I decide to while I sit out back in my dads old big blue Chevy while chain smoking cigarettes and not minding at all about being bored. How can I be bored when my mind is running through everything. What I use to call home, what I use to wish I could call home again…is all behind me now. I know where my home is and its with beyond wonderful people. I don’t have to search for answers there. I always feel safe there. But most of all, its where I am loved and dearly love the others around me. That’s what makes a home, safety, security, and love. I’m all about loving my family though, don’t get me wrong. But a lot of the times they don’t understand me and I feel kinda like the odd one out of everyone. I’ve always liked animals so much because they never judge me. I can sit there for hours on a cold long night in the rocking chair just watching my turtle chase fish. It’s relaxing. I bought a hermit crab today, it reminds me of when I use to be a child. What the hell happened to those days, why did they fly by so fast and why can’t I seem to remember things like everyone else when they were children? It doesn’t matter. Needless to say, I will not go into the house for awhile, this big blue Chevy feels nice. Curt will come join me later at least. The suns wanting to go down and surrender to the dark, I strangely feel as if its trying to stay here just for me. It’s almost like spring today, its very nice…but my brain feels like a thunderstorm. I wish my days were like my little box of chocolates where I could take a little bite to see what I’m in for. But this is forest gump now, and life isn’t really like a box of chocolates. It’s sad that I know what makes me happy and it makes me even more down to go back to what I do not miss, what I do not love anymore. I don’t even want to try to love it because matters are only going to get worse. It’s non sense talk trying to explain these things I am unhappy about, I rarely have to deal with them so I should just zip it. But for now…sitting in this big blue Chevy seems as if its the only right thing to do for myself here.
The Piece Of Shit That I’m Not.
It’s like you don’t even want to see your own flesh and blood happy. You don’t give a shit if I’m bettering myself or not. You only want to bitch, its all you do even if you have to make up a reason to bitch about. You order me to come home….and I have no idea in the world where the fuck that even is. Besides, even if you want me ‘home’ I’m still not going to see you and that makes no fuckin sense to me at all. You’d probably only yell at me right now even if you’d see me sick with tears crawling down my face in anger while I’m writing this blog. I don’t wanna tell you things because you don’t understand and I won’t understand you anyways. I’m so frustrated because nobody sees that you only keep pushing and pushing me away and that’s not how I ever wanted it to be. I love you but I’m to the point all I’m beginning to feel is pain. But when I’m away, I see what such a great person I am and I forget about the dumb shit. Then everytime I come back around, I’m made to feel like the piece of shit that I’m not. I hate it, I hate it. I wanna scream. I wanna punch something so hard and many times till my knuckles bleed, I wanna shoot a gun in the middle of nowhere as many times as I can to calm down. I’m stuck, and I want to runaway. That’s one of my biggest dilemas.
